Wondering...

Have you ever just sat and wondered?  

I am not talking about wondering what is for supper, or what to wear.  Just sitting and wondering?  For some reason I wonder a great deal right before I go off to sleep.  And oddly enough, I can see what I wonder about in vivid pictures, like mind movies.  And if that seems different, I think more creatively when I lay on my right side of my head.  When I shift to my left side, things change.  Odd, but it is something I wonder about.  Basically each time I have mind movies while drifting off to sleep, I wonder about this weird phenomenon.  It is great to know that when I want to stop this "effect", all I have to do is roll over to my left side.

Crap, I promised myself I would be to the point of my blog.  

I wonder so much about my son and where life is going to take him.  Timmy, always referred to as just "T" is 16.  Wow, it still amazes me to even say 16.  I wonder what prom will be like for him, I wonder what walking the high school hallways is like, I wonder if he has deep worries that he never expresses, and I wonder if he brushed his teeth.  You know that all moms wonder that, especially because you don't want some kid to say, "Dude, man you're breathe is stank." I wonder if this has happened to T at all?  Hmmm....All of these thoughts make me wonder even more.  I wonder if what college he will attend, what degree he will pursue, and especially if he'll follow his passion or just get a degree that will fit.  I wonder if he will continue to grow closer to Christ.  I wonder what type of relationship he will have with Jesus as he heads to college.  I wonder if he will stand up, follow or become passive.  I wonder how he will meet his wife, I wonder what he will say to me about her, will there be that spark in his eyes?  Will she replace me as his "girl"?  Sheesh, just wondering this is making me tear up.  (And, yes it is close to that time of the month.)  Tissue, please.

When he was little I wondered just a tad, but nothing like now.  It seemed so far away when he was in first grade and had a crush on a little girl, that one day he may go on a date.  A real date, doors opened, flowers given, electricity in the air.  Now, since he can do so much without my help, I am able to wonder so much more about his future.  It is like as he grew up my wondering grew with him.

Wondering is wonderful, but have you even wondered about losing your child.  What would it be like, what happened to bring on such a tragic moment, how and could I deal with such a tragedy.  I truly have wondered about losing T, like having those vivid mind movie kind of wonder.  It truly freaks me out, but for some reason, I believe there is a reason why I wonder with such intensity.  I think those kind of wonder moments are God's way of saying, "Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last.  Just kickin' down the cobble-stones, lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy." Sing with me, da da dat ta da, feeling groovy...seriously though, Simon & Garfunkel can really make you stop and wonder.

I am glad I wonder about my son.  It is kinda cool to wonder and wait...

Guess since he just left to go to a friends house, I will wonder if he'll make good choices tonight and wonder if he will get home safe.  I wonder if he will text me and tell me he got there ok. And will he appreciate one day, me blogging about my adventures being his mom?

Sit and wonder sometimes, whatever your child's age is.  If the wonder turns blue, put on Simon & Garfunkel's 59th Street Bridge song, that'll brighten up your wonder:

Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobble-stones, lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

Hello lamp-post, what's cha knowing, I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me, do-it-do-do, feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me

Life I love you, all is groovy