My boy!

We are working on getting his blog ready for his trip! Practicing
posting pics!

One Week

How many times have we said, "Wow, the week flew by!". Or "Man, the
week is dragging on!". For me this week is a week I want to last
forever. In one short week my baby will be on a plane heading to
Europe. I am so excited for him and the things he is going to see,
experience, relate to and learn from; however, I am absolutely
terrified. That's why this week means so much to me. Tomorrow T and
I will be having a mommy & T day. We have a few plans but most
importantly it is the time together I will cherish the most.
We are going to work on getting his phone set up to do his own blog,
take some new photos of him, and enjoy the day. Then as the week
progresses the entire family will be at the beach. It will be nice
for the family to spend time before Terri and T leave.
So Lord, it's me again. Can you make this week go by extra slow? Can
you give us too many "Kodak" moments that we are overwhelmed? Thanks,
I really appreciate it! After this week you can speed it up like
lightning fast!
:) Alicia

Time, keeps on slipping, slipping into the future...

Three weeks, 21 days, 504 hours, until my baby leaves me. I am absolutely terrified thinking about the fact that he is leaving for a 25 day trip overseas and I won't have enough time with him. Terrified. Up until the day he leaves it seems that life is busy, busy, busy. When Lord am I getting time with him? Time to just sit, talk, reflect, say all that I can before he leaves. Especially tell him that he must make sure he has his passport at all times and to be sure that he watches his stuff while on the train and that washing his hands must be done each time before he eats anything, because Lord knows what or whom has touched that railing before him. Oh and that he must use all of his senses when he is traveling, and that his prayers should be daily, hourly and to stop to see how God is working during the trip. Last but not least to read all the museum signs & to remember the way back to the hotel by street signs & landmarks. Oh, and always know what the emergency numbers are, hotel number and embassy location. AAAAaahhhhhhh!!!!!

Lord, when? Can you give me a day & time that you know you'll let things settle just long enough for him and I? We can add it to my iCal and I will put an alarm on so I don't miss it.

Please. I need time with him and that clock is not being nice by ticking by.

Seriously, time is critical right now and for some reason I cannot find enough of it.

When I look at the fact that in one summer he will be gone from me for 30+ days it truly freaks me out. The two weeks we will have at the beach house will be nice, but both those weeks he has friends visiting, boys & a girl. Sigh. I need time.

Am I over thinking when I am begging that God give me an appointment for some quality time with my only, little, sweet, son? I wonder how many times God gives us an appointment with him and we forget it, delete it or try to rearrange it. I know for sure that lately all I've asked of him is to find more time in the day for me to get things done. Surely, adding time to my day can be considered noble since I want more time to do the things I know he would be pleased with. However, am I really doing those things for him, or for me thinking he would be pleased? There lies my dilemma.

Time for God, family, friends, school, career, vacation, and let's face it...time to post my latest status on Facebook. Time seems to be what I am missing most lately and the time I need for the most important things in life are finding themselves at the bottom of my "time list".

Do we find ourselves asking for more time for the things we need to get done, so that our time with the ones we hold so dear is less stressful? But during that time we are thinking of the things we've put on hold to get done and doesn't that just defeat the purpose of taking time to get things done in the first place? How does God want me to use my time? Does he give me the gift of teaching so that I spend my time doing what is best for the kids? Does he know that this time takes away from the time I have with my family? Does he want me to put more time into one and not the other?

The saga of time I guess will always be an issue. I guess that is why God made a sunrise & sunset, because there has to be a beginning and ending to our day. If not, some of us would not slow down or even stop. I just hope that sometime between the beginning and ending of the days, I can find the time to spend with my adventurous teenager. Oh and I need time to teach him how to blog from his iPhone so I can know how he is spending his time overseas.

Lord, can ya fit that into the appointment calendar too?!

Wondering...

Have you ever just sat and wondered?  

I am not talking about wondering what is for supper, or what to wear.  Just sitting and wondering?  For some reason I wonder a great deal right before I go off to sleep.  And oddly enough, I can see what I wonder about in vivid pictures, like mind movies.  And if that seems different, I think more creatively when I lay on my right side of my head.  When I shift to my left side, things change.  Odd, but it is something I wonder about.  Basically each time I have mind movies while drifting off to sleep, I wonder about this weird phenomenon.  It is great to know that when I want to stop this "effect", all I have to do is roll over to my left side.

Crap, I promised myself I would be to the point of my blog.  

I wonder so much about my son and where life is going to take him.  Timmy, always referred to as just "T" is 16.  Wow, it still amazes me to even say 16.  I wonder what prom will be like for him, I wonder what walking the high school hallways is like, I wonder if he has deep worries that he never expresses, and I wonder if he brushed his teeth.  You know that all moms wonder that, especially because you don't want some kid to say, "Dude, man you're breathe is stank." I wonder if this has happened to T at all?  Hmmm....All of these thoughts make me wonder even more.  I wonder if what college he will attend, what degree he will pursue, and especially if he'll follow his passion or just get a degree that will fit.  I wonder if he will continue to grow closer to Christ.  I wonder what type of relationship he will have with Jesus as he heads to college.  I wonder if he will stand up, follow or become passive.  I wonder how he will meet his wife, I wonder what he will say to me about her, will there be that spark in his eyes?  Will she replace me as his "girl"?  Sheesh, just wondering this is making me tear up.  (And, yes it is close to that time of the month.)  Tissue, please.

When he was little I wondered just a tad, but nothing like now.  It seemed so far away when he was in first grade and had a crush on a little girl, that one day he may go on a date.  A real date, doors opened, flowers given, electricity in the air.  Now, since he can do so much without my help, I am able to wonder so much more about his future.  It is like as he grew up my wondering grew with him.

Wondering is wonderful, but have you even wondered about losing your child.  What would it be like, what happened to bring on such a tragic moment, how and could I deal with such a tragedy.  I truly have wondered about losing T, like having those vivid mind movie kind of wonder.  It truly freaks me out, but for some reason, I believe there is a reason why I wonder with such intensity.  I think those kind of wonder moments are God's way of saying, "Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last.  Just kickin' down the cobble-stones, lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy." Sing with me, da da dat ta da, feeling groovy...seriously though, Simon & Garfunkel can really make you stop and wonder.

I am glad I wonder about my son.  It is kinda cool to wonder and wait...

Guess since he just left to go to a friends house, I will wonder if he'll make good choices tonight and wonder if he will get home safe.  I wonder if he will text me and tell me he got there ok. And will he appreciate one day, me blogging about my adventures being his mom?

Sit and wonder sometimes, whatever your child's age is.  If the wonder turns blue, put on Simon & Garfunkel's 59th Street Bridge song, that'll brighten up your wonder:

Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobble-stones, lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

Hello lamp-post, what's cha knowing, I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me, do-it-do-do, feelin' groovy

Feeling groovy

I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me

Life I love you, all is groovy